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Gospel: Matthew 18: 15-20
Jesus said to his disciples:
“If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.
If he does not listen,
take one or two others along with you,
so that ‘every fact may be established
on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church.
If he refuses to listen even to the church,
then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
Amen, I say to you,
whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven,
and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Again, amen, I say to you,
if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
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C.S. Lewis was one of the most creative Christian writers of the 20th century. In his book, The Great Divorce, he paints an imaginary picture of hell.
Lewis describes hell as a sprawling, dreary, perpetually rainy slum called “Grey Town,” where the sun never fully rises or sets and conflicts are never resolved.
Whenever neighbors disagree with each other, they abandon their homes and move further apart. As a result, the city is only inhabited on its outer edges, while the center resembles a vast, hollow wasteland, filled with vacant homes and empty streets.
That’s how hell gets so large, he says. People choose distance over reconciliation.
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While “Grey Town” is a figment of Lewis’ imagination, the spirit of it is surprisingly real.
Sadly, anyone who is living with an unresolved conflict in their heart, their home, their marriage, their family, their social circle, or their workplace can find themselves living, metaphorically speaking, on the edges of “Grey Town.”
It’s an unfortunate and mysterious truth, but we can share a roof – even a life together – and feel miles apart inside.
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Why are people often afraid of conflict?
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Sometimes it’s the fruit of our upbringing.
Children can be raised in homes where conflicts are never really resolved. Rather than speaking openly and honestly, both parents and siblings can resort to yelling, slammed doors, passive aggressiveness, manipulation, or worse, silence.
As if the slow passage of time can really heal our wounds.
But all it really does is cover them up, leaving them to fester deep inside our psyche.
As a result, we can become conditioned to believe that any form of conflict is a bad thing, making avoidance – or moving further apart – a much safer option.
What we really need are instructions on how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way, so that the end result does not resemble “Grey Town,” but healthier communication, mutual understanding, shared respect, and even stronger intimacy.
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In today’s Gospel, the Lord provides these instructions, which come on the heels of his own crucial conversation with Saint Peter.
After giving Peter the keys to the kingdom, Jesus rebukes him, calling him, “Satan” because Peter gets in his way, scoffing at the idea of a cross.
So, the Lord has a difficult conversation with Peter, not because he wants to retaliate or take his keys back.
No.
Jesus rebukes Peter because he loves him. Because he wants Peter to keep the keys. But Peter needs a right understanding of Jesus and what it means to be a shepherd.
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Notice Jesus places the burden on himself, that is the victim, the person who is wronged, not Peter the offender. Then he extends that invitation to us.
“If your brother sins against you,” he says, “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”
Take the initiative. Write the letter. Make the phone call. Have the sit-down lunch.
If the one-on-one conversation does not suffice, then bring a friend. Not for the sake of gossip, public embarrassment, or dragging another person’s reputation through the mud.
But for added perspective, balance, and third-party mediation, “so that every fact may be established.”
If that still does not work, then tell the wider community, the Church. It almost sounds like hyperbole, as if we are to air our grievances in public for all to hear. But we cannot overemphasize the value Jesus places on living in unity.
The alternative being living on the edges of “Grey Town.”
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Yet the Lord does acknowledge that this can happen.
When confronted with a grievance, some people might choose distance over reconciliation, giving them space to lick their wounds.
But the only thing worse than having that crucial conversation and giving a person the chance to repent is pretending like we don’t need one at all. Choosing to be silent is like ignoring a malignant tumor in the body.
Eventually, the tumor spreads, leaving a trail of destruction behind.
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If hell is like a sprawling, dreary, perpetually gray and rainy slum, where people are constantly moving further apart, then heaven is like one huge block party.
Its residents might be perfect.
But they weren’t always perfect here on earth.
Like us, they may have raised their voices, made a few mistakes, said a hurtful word or two. But they also learned how to kiss and make up, how to forgive and be forgiven, how to heal and be healed.
That’s the kind of stuff that causes angels to rejoice.
“For wherever two or three are gathered in my name,” Jesus says, “there I am in the midst of them.”
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Image credits: (1) Greenleaf Leadership Coaching (2) iStock (3) Magnific