***
Gospel: Matthew 18: 21-35
Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
“Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive?
As many as seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who decided to settle accounts with his servants.
When he began the accounting,
a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.
Since he had no way of paying it back,
his master ordered him to be sold,
along with his wife, his children, and all his property,
in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a much smaller amount.
He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,
‘Pay back what you owe.’
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
But he refused.
Instead, he had the fellow servant put in prison
until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,
they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master
and reported the whole affair.
His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,
as I had pity on you?’
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
***
***
On Friday morning, my alarm went off just before 5 am. I had to get up, throw on a baseball cap, and make a quick brew of coffee. Friends were picking me up a few minutes later to go to the 9/11 memorial service in lower Manhattan.
One of them lost her brother that day.
As people often say in reference to 9/11, “Never forget.”
How can we?
***
When tragedies like 9/11 happen, or other senseless acts of violence like the random stabbing of a mother in Times Square who just returned to work from maternity leave, or the assassination of Charlie Kirk, a young man speaking on a college campus, we often turn to God.
Some blame him for allowing these things to happen. Others begin to long more ardently for heaven, a place of permanent peace without guns, knives, or planes used as missiles.
But many also turn to God, recognizing just how difficult – yet important – forgiveness is.
As Peter asks Jesus in today’s Gospel, “Lord, if my neighbor sins against me, how often must I forgive? … As many as seven times?”
***
I imagine the other disciples were biting their tongues, holding their breath, and anxiously shuffling their feet, waiting, hoping that Jesus would bless Peter for thinking so generously, but then gently correct him.
Saying something like, “No, Pete. Once is enough. Twice is generous. But no more than three times.”
After all, that’s hard enough.
But the Lord takes what Peter thought was a heartily generous idea and reduces it to the size of a pea. “Not seven, but seventy-seven times.”
That’s a lot of sinning and a lot of forgiving before a relationship goes kaput.
***
But what, exactly, is forgiveness?
A lot of things pass for it, like letting someone off the hook, dismissing an offense by saying something nice, or hiding our true feelings to preserve the peace.
But often beneath the surface, we’re just dismissing the other person, slowly imposing distance between us until there’s nothing left.
What the Lord is asking us to do instead is to throw away the calculator. To stop adding and subtracting how many times we were right or wrong, because forgiveness is not an equation; it’s a permanent disposition of the heart.
It’s the way God always looks upon us. Thankfully, the Lord does not tally up our sins or require that we pay him back in full.
Rather, he casts our debt aside – much like the king did to his servant in today’s Gospel parable – so that we might have a relationship with him. But God also instructs us to extend that same courtesy to others.
***
Such an idea haunted me while standing in lower Manhattan, surrounded by people like my own friend who lost her brother. Others lost a parent, a spouse, or worse, a child.
We stood and prayed. We laid flowers. We recited their names. We remembered.
It’s what we do when tragedies like 9/11 happen.
***
But to speak of forgiveness is risky business. Jesus had to know how impossible it feels for the human heart to overcome such deeply seeded hurts.
Or, frankly how hard it’d be to do anything on his moral checklist: “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who persecute you. Pray for those who mistreat you.”
Some might call such ideals ridiculous.
Many of us know what it feels like to have a heart seething with anger, hardened by the desire for revenge, or the stubbornness of refusing to forgive someone.
But bearing such negativity does nothing to improve our own health, our outlook on life, or our overall sense of peace; rather, it only makes it worse, like pouring salt into an open wound.
At the very least, we can conclude that doing the opposite of what Christ teaches us – hating our enemies instead of loving, praying for, or forgiving them – never leaves us fulfilled.
Just ask anyone who bears hatred in their heart how happy they really are.
It’s a humbling truth to accept, but Jesus is right. Following the path of love is the only way to find authentic peace and a lasting share of human happiness.
The last person to speak publicly at the 9/11 Memorial service also reminded us of that.
***
Humble us, O LORD.
Do for us what we cannot do ourselves. Allow your peace to reign in our hearts, too often broken by tragedy.
Help us to forgive others as you have forgiven us, not seven but seventy-seven times.
***
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Image credits: (1) WEAU (2) Family Foundations Institute (3) Revive Our Hearts
