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Gospel: Matthew 10:37-42
Jesus said to his apostles:
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,
and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;
and whoever does not take up his cross
and follow after me is not worthy of me.
Whoever finds his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.””Whoever receives you receives me,
and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.
Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophet
will receive a prophet’s reward,
and whoever receives a righteous man
because he is a righteous man
will receive a righteous man’s reward.
And whoever gives only a cup of cold water
to one of these little ones to drink
because the little one is a disciple—
amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
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“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.”
It’s easy for any of us to wish a strong gust of wind came and blew this page right out of Matthew’s Gospel. At first glance, it can seem like a swipe at families, as if Jesus is contradicting the 4th Commandment, “honor your father and your mother.”
Families are precious. They’re the building block of a healthy society, and are often the source of our most intimate relationships. But, the Lord is cautioning us that the same network of people can also impede us from doing his will.
Occasionally, family customs, traditions, or expectations can become like old wineskins; incapable of being stretched or changed by grace. As a result, we are forced to choose where our deepest loyalty lies.
This is a tension the Lord himself experienced.
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Consider what happened when Jesus was twelve. After his family went to Jerusalem on pilgrimage, he chose to stay behind.
When Mary realized Jesus wasn’t in their caravan, she searched frantically for him for two awful days. When she finally found him in the Temple conversing with the religious scholars, Mary scolded him, “Son, why have you done this to us?”
Jesus simply responded, “Did you not know I must be about my Father’s business?”
Or twenty years later, when he was preaching inside someone’s home. He was interrupted by someone telling him, “Your mother and your brothers are outside asking for you.”
They hadn’t come to ask Jesus what time he would be home or what he wanted for dinner. No. Mark tells us, his family thought he was literally, “out of his mind.”
They were afraid that Christ’s teachings would sound revolutionary; that they’d get him in trouble with the authorities.
And they were right!
But Jesus doubled down just as he did as a boy in the Temple. Distinguishing his heavenly family from his earthly family, he proclaimed, “Who are my mother and my brothers? Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”
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It’s a harrowing scene, complicated by family dynamics, which believers throughout the centuries have also experienced. Consider Saint Francis of Assisi.
Francis grew up with privilege. But from an early age, he felt a strong attraction to the poor.
One day, while he was selling his father’s fine linens in the marketplace, a beggar approached him, asking for alms. So, Francis emptied his pockets and gave the beggar everything he had.
When the story reached his family, he was roundly mocked then scolded by his father. Sometime thereafter, Francis literally stripped himself bare before his bishop in the public square, renouncing his family fortune… and his disapproving father.
In that moment, I wonder if the words from today’s Gospel came to his mind. “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me… and whoever does not take up his cross and follow after me is not worthy of me.”
As dramatic as that scene was, God had even bigger plans for Francis; that was only one of a thousand times he would renounce the world, earthly comforts, and even his family, for the sake of the Gospel.
Yet, 800 years later, the world continues to be inspired by his Christian life and example.
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So, what might this Gospel passage look like concretely for us today?
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Personally, I can share how deeply I’ve grappled with it, having made several decisions to put God first in my life, which was unpopular with my family at the time… and still may be with some today.
I converted to Catholicism in college while my entire family, with the exception of my brother, was Protestant… or not religious at all. Then I heard the call to become a Catholic priest, so I entered the seminary.
Two years later, I left my family further behind, as I moved from New Jersey to Rome, continuing my studies. Then I chose to stay in Rome while my mother was dying from cancer.
Although the Archdiocese of Newark graciously provided me with different opportunities to visit Mom during her illness, choosing to return to Rome after each time was an excruciating decision, putting real flesh and bones on today’s Gospel.
“Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me,” Jesus says.
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Maybe some of you are facing a similar decision today.
You feel called to go away for college; to leave the secular world for mission-based work; to accept an unplanned pregnancy; to marry a particular person; to distance yourself from toxic family relationships; to enter religious life…
To step out into the deep in some way, perhaps tearing old family wineskins, trusting that’s exactly where God is calling you.
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May the Lord give us the grace to take him at his word, taking up our crosses, to following hm into the unknown. Mysteriously, doing so will lead to the deepest sense of fulfillment, and life in abundance.
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Image credits: (1) Restoring Balance Counseling (2) Facebook (3) Jennifer Dukes Lee