As a priest, I do not select the readings we hear at Mass. They follow a two-year cycle.
I find it no coincidence then, that as we approach the 19th anniversary of September 11th, we’re given Jesus’ teachings on forgiveness.
“Love your enemies,” he says, “and pray for those who persecute you.”
Is the Lord inviting us to forgive those who’ve hurt us immensely, even if they aren’t sorry?
***
Forgiveness is first and foremost for our own sake.
Countless studies have shown that withholding forgiveness raises our blood pressure, deprives us of sleep, and weakens our immune system. It continues the pain someone else has already caused.
Jesus wants to take that suffering from us. But first we must let our anger go.
This is perhaps what makes forgiveness so hard.
While we have the absolute right to be angry – we have suffered unjustly, countless lives were forever changed – forgiveness means we forfeit the right to be angry.
Only then can the Spirit settle in our hearts and fill us with peace.
***
As it’s written in the Letter of Saint James, “Always act as men and women destined for judgment under the law of freedom.”
In the end, the Lord will hold us all accountable for how generous – or destructive – our lives have been.
May we continue along the path of peace and reconciliation wherever possible, as we entrust the souls of the just to the Lord.
We don’t get into the high school or college of our choice; we get a pink slip at work; a poor diagnosis; a relationship ends; a brutal virus ravages our world.
In these moments, the challenge is to believe God is still working in our lives.
***
Consider the life of Saint Joseph. Scripture tells us he was a humble man; an honest man; the type of person you want to root for. Yet his world seems shattered by unfairness.
Mary, his bride-to-bed, is pregnant and the child isn’t his. Even after the angel appears to Joseph in a dream and explains what’s happened, his circumstances remain terribly unfair.
God invites Joseph to love a woman whose story he doesn’t fully understand; to protect a baby that he didn’t father; and to accept this child as the heir to his name.
That’s a tough pill to swallow.
***
But maybe there’s a message in that for us.
***
Joseph’s experience of faith reminds us that God is always at work in our lives, even when our circumstances seem unfair. Sometimes we need to be patient with the Lord – and trust.
When Joseph first heard Mary was pregnant, for example, he thought his life was over. But slowly he began to see that this was the first step towards the salvation of the world.
What seemed like the end was merely a bend in the road.
***
When have my own life circumstances felt unfair?
Or when has the Lord invited me to trust, like Joseph and Mary?
***
In the words Mary, who also found herself at a bend in the road:
It means something’s up. Something’s wrong. Something has to change.
Conflict is coming.
***
While COVID has imposed social distance and face masks in public, it’s driven us even closer to our family at home. Parents are working and students are learning inside the same four walls.
Day after day after day. Month after month.
And what happens when we spend too much time together?
We argue.
Many of us cringe at the idea of conflict. We’d rather hold things in and keep the peace at any cost. But Jesus reminds us that isn’t always possible.
Sometimes, “we need to talk.”
***
Love requires that we bring sensitive issues to the surface.
Parents cannot be silent when they see their children becoming depressed, slipping into addiction, or running with the wrong crowds. They need to speak up. Staying silent would feel unnatural – and wrong.
Even when they send their children off to college, parents still worry about them. Will my children make the right decisions? Will they get into trouble? Will they succeed?
Will we, “need to talk”?
Equally, adult children cannot be silent when they see their parents arguing, slipping into debt, divorce, or isolation.
Nor can we let our friends suffer in silence when we know they need our help.
Sometimes, “we need to talk.”
***
Jesus himself had several crucial conversations with his disciples. Just last week, for example, he had a “we need to talk” moment with Peter.
Jesus tells Peter and the other disciples that he’s going up to Jerusalem, not to be crowned an earthly king, but to be crucified.
Shocked, Peter tries to change Jesus’ mind. “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you,” he says.
Peter isn’t interested in watching his Master suffer, but he is interested in benefitting from Jesus’ power and getting his share of glory and riches.
“Get behind me, Satan!” Jesus tells him.
Although exceptionally stern, Jesus holds Peter accountable; he isn’t afraid to tell Peter he’s in the wrong.
And Peter humbly accepts the rebuke, allowing them to continue towards Jerusalem together.
***
But these two will butt heads again.
***
Remember what happens to Jesus during his final night on earth.
While praying in the Garden of Gethsemane with Peter and the others, Jesus is arrested and led off to be crucified.
Peter follows at a distance, but when asked by the crowds if he knows Jesus, he denies him three times saying, “I do not know him!”
Imagine being Peter. Imagine betraying your best friend.
As Jesus is being led off into the darkness, he glances back at Peter with that look, “We need to talk.”
***
After his death and resurrection, Jesus appears to Peter asking him one simple question, “Do you love me?”
Jesus doesn’t scold him or hold a grudge. But he points out the pink elephant in the room, so to speak.
Peter made a huge mistake – and Jesus simply needs to know if Peter’s sorry.
“Lord, you know everything,” he says. “You know that I love you.”
Conflict resolved.
***
So, what’s the point?
Conflict happens. At times issues need to be brought to the surface; like Peter, we all make mistakes. And like Jesus, sometimes we need to make that known.
But we should never speak up with ill-intent; nor should we weaponize our silence, play passive aggressive, or hold another person’s sins over their head.
When these difficult conversations do happen, as they inevitably will, we must have them out of love.
The goal is to repair what was broken; it isn’t to “win” or to be right.
***
Like Jesus, do I need to have a crucial conversation with someone I love? Or, like Peter, do I need to listen and repent?
***
“Wherever two or three are gathered in my name,” Jesus says, “I am there in the midst of them.”
It’s acknowledging the presence of Christ in one another that makes it easier to dialogue, to repair what’s broken, and to move forward together.
