***
If we venture into our kitchens this morning and do a “head-count” of all our dishes, we may find we have a few imperfect sets.
7 dinner plates, 5 saucers, 9 glasses, 3 soup bowls.
Incomplete sets are the mark of a “lived-in” kitchen. Many of us have children or grandchildren running around, which might account for an occasional mishap.
I myself am clumsy from time to time.
Maybe a bowl fell off the counter last week; a glass broke in the dishwasher; a wet plate slid from our hands.
So, what do we do when a dish breaks?
We sweep it into the trash bin.
***
That’s how we deal with most things when they’re broken.
That space heater that fizzled out in the winter; that wobbly wooden chair; that old couch the kids jumped on just one too many times.
Toss it. Drag it out to the curb. Throw it in the dumpster.
But what about a broken heart? A weak marriage? A fractured friendship? A crumbling relationship with God?
As soon as someone hurts us, are we supposed to dispose of them like a broken bowl? Or can damaged relationships be pieced back together?
***
The Japanese have a fascinating custom called Kintsugi.
When a bowl breaks, they don’t throw it away; they piece it back together using glue flecked with gold.
They say that breakage and repair are all part of the history of that object. The focus is not on how the object broke, but the fact that it was restored.
***
This is where the Lord is directing our attention this week: mending relationships.
We all carry some hurt in our hearts. I’m sure everyone can recall a moment when hurtful words were exchanged; voices were raised; doors were slammed; a dish was thrown; silence was weaponized.
Maybe that was as recent as yesterday or even this morning. This type of heated conflict breaks our communion with others.
So, how do we piece it back together?
***
It starts with forgiveness.
***
In today’s Gospel, Jesus tells us to forgive, “not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Meaning, we should forgive without limits.
This does not mean that we’re naïve, function as doormats, or willingly place ourselves in a position to be hurt over and over again.
When someone hurts us, we must be honest. Name the wound. Identify the hurt. Share what’s in our heart. But then flush the anger out. Let it go.
While we have a right to be angry if we’re wronged, countless studies have shown that withholding forgiveness affects our own physical and mental health, hurting us more than anyone else.
Anger raises our blood pressure, disrupts our sleep, weakens our immune system, and decreases our overall sense of happiness. It only continues the pain someone else has caused.
As Saint Paul says, “Do not let the sun set on your anger. Do not give the devil a chance to work on you.” Holding anger in is like ingesting toxic waste; it poisons us inside.
But letting go of our anger is what makes forgiveness so hard.
While we have the right to be angry, forgiving someone means we forfeit that right. We waive all opportunities to play passive aggressive; to weaponize our silence; to “win” an argument; or to seek revenge.
We let go of that negativity for the sake of our own peace – and for the hope of future reconciliation.
***
Forgiveness isn’t synonymous with reconciliation. It simply opens the door to it. Reconciliation is more difficult; it’s a two-way street. Both parties must desire it.
But even if the person who’s wronged us isn’t sorry, we should still forgive them for the sake of our own health.
Otherwise, the anger can eat away at us. How aware we must be of this on the 19th anniversary weekend of 9/11.
***
If we ventured into our kitchens this morning and did a “head count” of all our dishes, we may find we have a few imperfect sets.
Mistakes happen. Plates fly. Dishes break.
But the dishes don’t have to be thrown away; they can be pieced back together.
Similarly, the relationships we hold dear crack on occasion: conflict happens, trust is lost, hearts are broken. It’s a consequence of living in an imperfect world.
But relationships can be pieced back together. It starts with forgiveness, which the Lord tells us to extend, “not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
***
Who is the Lord urging me to forgive, either past or present?
***
It’s not just for their sake.
It’s for our own, as well.
