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What are four words that can make anyone cringe?
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“We need to talk.”
It means something’s up. Something’s wrong. Something has to change.
Conflict is coming.
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While COVID has imposed social distance and face masks in public, it’s driven us even closer to our family at home. Parents are working and students are learning inside the same four walls.
Day after day after day. Month after month.
And what happens when we spend too much time together?
We argue.
Many of us cringe at the idea of conflict. We’d rather hold things in and keep the peace at any cost. But Jesus reminds us that isn’t always possible.
Sometimes, “we need to talk.”
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Love requires that we bring sensitive issues to the surface.
Parents cannot be silent when they see their children becoming depressed, slipping into addiction, or running with the wrong crowds. They need to speak up. Staying silent would feel unnatural – and wrong.
Even when they send their children off to college, parents still worry about them. Will my children make the right decisions? Will they get into trouble? Will they succeed?
Will we, “need to talk”?
Equally, adult children cannot be silent when they see their parents arguing, slipping into debt, divorce, or isolation.
Nor can we let our friends suffer in silence when we know they need our help.
Sometimes, “we need to talk.”
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Jesus himself had several crucial conversations with his disciples. Just last week, for example, he had a “we need to talk” moment with Peter.
Jesus tells Peter and the other disciples that he’s going up to Jerusalem, not to be crowned an earthly king, but to be crucified.
Shocked, Peter tries to change Jesus’ mind. “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you,” he says.
Peter isn’t interested in watching his Master suffer, but he is interested in benefitting from Jesus’ power and getting his share of glory and riches.
“Get behind me, Satan!” Jesus tells him.
Although exceptionally stern, Jesus holds Peter accountable; he isn’t afraid to tell Peter he’s in the wrong.
And Peter humbly accepts the rebuke, allowing them to continue towards Jerusalem together.
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But these two will butt heads again.
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Remember what happens to Jesus during his final night on earth.
While praying in the Garden of Gethsemane with Peter and the others, Jesus is arrested and led off to be crucified.
Peter follows at a distance, but when asked by the crowds if he knows Jesus, he denies him three times saying, “I do not know him!”
Imagine being Peter. Imagine betraying your best friend.
As Jesus is being led off into the darkness, he glances back at Peter with that look, “We need to talk.”
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After his death and resurrection, Jesus appears to Peter asking him one simple question, “Do you love me?”
Jesus doesn’t scold him or hold a grudge. But he points out the pink elephant in the room, so to speak.
Peter made a huge mistake – and Jesus simply needs to know if Peter’s sorry.
“Lord, you know everything,” he says. “You know that I love you.”
Conflict resolved.
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So, what’s the point?
Conflict happens. At times issues need to be brought to the surface; like Peter, we all make mistakes. And like Jesus, sometimes we need to make that known.
But we should never speak up with ill-intent; nor should we weaponize our silence, play passive aggressive, or hold another person’s sins over their head.
When these difficult conversations do happen, as they inevitably will, we must have them out of love.
The goal is to repair what was broken; it isn’t to “win” or to be right.
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Like Jesus, do I need to have a crucial conversation with someone I love? Or, like Peter, do I need to listen and repent?
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“Wherever two or three are gathered in my name,” Jesus says, “I am there in the midst of them.”
It’s acknowledging the presence of Christ in one another that makes it easier to dialogue, to repair what’s broken, and to move forward together.
