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What are four words that can make anyone cringe?

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“We need to talk.”

It means something’s up. Something’s wrong. Something has to change. 

Conflict is coming. 

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While COVID has imposed social distance and face masks in public, it’s driven us even closer to our family at home. Parents are working and students are learning inside the same four walls. 

Day after day after day. Month after month.

And what happens when we spend too much time together?

We argue.

Many of us cringe at the idea of conflict. We’d rather hold things in and keep the peace at any cost. But Jesus reminds us that isn’t always possible. 

Sometimes, “we need to talk.”

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Love requires that we bring sensitive issues to the surface.

Parents cannot be silent when they see their children becoming depressed, slipping into addiction, or running with the wrong crowds. They need to speak up. Staying silent would feel unnatural – and wrong.

Even when they send their children off to college, parents still worry about them. Will my children make the right decisions? Will they get into trouble? Will they succeed? 

Will we, “need to talk”?

Equally, adult children cannot be silent when they see their parents arguing, slipping into debt, divorce, or isolation. 

Nor can we let our friends suffer in silence when we know they need our help. 

Sometimes, “we need to talk.”

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Jesus himself had several crucial conversations with his disciples. Just last week, for example, he had a “we need to talk” moment with Peter. 

Jesus tells Peter and the other disciples that he’s going up to Jerusalem, not to be crowned an earthly king, but to be crucified.

Shocked, Peter tries to change Jesus’ mind. “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you,” he says.

Peter isn’t interested in watching his Master suffer, but he is interested in benefitting from Jesus’ power and getting his share of glory and riches. 

“Get behind me, Satan!” Jesus tells him.

Although exceptionally stern, Jesus holds Peter accountable; he isn’t afraid to tell Peter he’s in the wrong.

And Peter humbly accepts the rebuke, allowing them to continue towards Jerusalem together.

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But these two will butt heads again.

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Remember what happens to Jesus during his final night on earth. 

While praying in the Garden of Gethsemane with Peter and the others, Jesus is arrested and led off to be crucified.

Peter follows at a distance, but when asked by the crowds if he knows Jesus, he denies him three times saying, “I do not know him!”

Imagine being Peter. Imagine betraying your best friend. 

As Jesus is being led off into the darkness, he glances back at Peter with that look, “We need to talk.” 

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After his death and resurrection, Jesus appears to Peter asking him one simple question, “Do you love me?” 

Jesus doesn’t scold him or hold a grudge. But he points out the pink elephant in the room, so to speak.

Peter made a huge mistake – and Jesus simply needs to know if Peter’s sorry.

 “Lord, you know everything,” he says. “You know that I love you.”

Conflict resolved.

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So, what’s the point?

Conflict happens. At times issues need to be brought to the surface; like Peter, we all make mistakes. And like Jesus, sometimes we need to make that known.

But we should never speak up with ill-intent; nor should we weaponize our silence, play passive aggressive, or hold another person’s sins over their head.

When these difficult conversations do happen, as they inevitably will, we must have them out of love.

The goal is to repair what was broken; it isn’t to “win” or to be right.

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Like Jesus, do I need to have a crucial conversation with someone I love? Or, like Peter, do I need to listen and repent?

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“Wherever two or three are gathered in my name,” Jesus says, “I am there in the midst of them.”

It’s acknowledging the presence of Christ in one another that makes it easier to dialogue, to repair what’s broken, and to move forward together.

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Imagine how much worse COVID would be if doctors were restricted to drugs, methods, and techniques that were 300 years old.

Or how simple our lives would be – and not in a good way – if we were restricted to the scientific advancements of the Middle Ages.

We’d have no heat, electricity, or running water in our homes.

Sometimes it’s important to update – or advance – our way of thinking. We do this eagerly in science and medicine, but not necessarily in faith.

Perhaps the slowest institution to change is the Church.

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In the Gospel, Jesus challenges the Jewish way of thinking. 

The religious scholars of his day are stuck on rules and regulations that are hundreds of years old.

For example, they believe that access to God belongs to the Jews alone – and, in particular, to those who follow the rules.

But Jesus tries expanding their view of God, saying that God has come to visit – and to save – people of every race, tongue, and nation. Not simply Israel.

But the scribes and Pharisees are hardened in their thinking, incapable of change. They’re like old wine skins that cannot be stretched.

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Like the scribes and Pharisees, is my view of God rigid, unchanging, set in stone? Or, has my understanding of God somehow changed over time?

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Think of the newness brought by Pope Francis. He’s spent his entire papacy focusing on the mercy of God.

For example, he’s likened the Church to a field hospital that exists to bind people’s wounds; to heal, not to hate; to include, not exclude.

He’s also said, “the Eucharist is not a prize for the perfect.” Rather, it’s meant to be like a healing balm for our soul.

This is the type of new wine – or new thinking – that Jesus encourages.

Although it can be uncomfortable to break the mold and think bigger, sometimes the Church – like science and medicine – needs to be open to new ways of thinking.

The mercy of God is one example. I wonder, is there another?

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Peter came up short. 

Although he’s a professional fisherman, he failed to make a single catch. 

He must’ve been down in the dumps – the perfect time to meet the Christ.

Jesus will take Peter’s empty nets and fill them with souls hungry for God. “I will make you a fisher of men,” he says.

This becomes the first lesson Peter learns from Jesus: God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. 

But first we must lower our nets.

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How many of us have felt like Peter – inadequate, ill-equipped? As if we’ve worked hard all night and caught nothing?

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Think of the thousands of teachers preparing for another school year – either virtually, in person, or both. Their students are coming, but some teachers feel like they have empty classrooms, empty nets. 

Supplies are still on their way; cameras are still being installed for livestreaming; lesson plans are being adjusted on the fly. 

Students and parents must be feeling nervous, too. Is it really possible to learn under such stress? COVID has thrown everyone off balance; it’s a year unlike any other.

This may be the perfect time to meet the Christ. 

If we are willing, Jesus will provide the energy, the ideas, and the creativity we need to succeed. Like Peter, he will make us, “fishers of men.”

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Will we lower our nets?

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Trust that Jesus will do the rest.