***
Gospel: Matthew 18: 21-35
Peter approached Jesus and asked him,
“Lord, if my brother sins against me,
how often must I forgive?
As many as seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.
That is why the kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king
who decided to settle accounts with his servants.
When he began the accounting,
a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount.
Since he had no way of paying it back,
his master ordered him to be sold,
along with his wife, his children, and all his property,
in payment of the debt.
At that, the servant fell down, did him homage, and said,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back in full.’
Moved with compassion the master of that servant
let him go and forgave him the loan.
When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants
who owed him a much smaller amount.
He seized him and started to choke him, demanding,
‘Pay back what you owe.’
Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him,
‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’
But he refused.
Instead, he had the fellow servant put in prison
until he paid back the debt.
Now when his fellow servants saw what had happened,
they were deeply disturbed, and went to their master
and reported the whole affair.
His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!
I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to.
Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant,
as I had pity on you?’
Then in anger his master handed him over to the torturers
until he should pay back the whole debt.
So will my heavenly Father do to you,
unless each of you forgives your brother from your heart.”
The Gospel of the Lord.
***
***
If you ventured into your kitchen this morning and did a “head-count” of your everyday dishes, you might find you have an imperfect set.
There might be 7 dinner plates, 5 saucers, 9 glasses, 3 soup bowls.
Incomplete sets are the mark of a “lived-in” kitchen. Many of you have children or grandchildren running around, which might account for an occasional mishap.
I myself am clumsy from time to time.
Maybe a bowl fell off the counter last week; a glass broke in the dishwasher; a wet plate slid from your hands.
What do we do when a dish breaks?
We sweep it into the trash bin.
***
That’s how we deal with most things when they’re broken.
That space heater that fizzled out last winter; that wobbly wooden chair; that old couch the kids jumped on just one too many times.
Toss it. Drag it to the curb. Throw it in the dumpster.
But what about a broken heart? A fractured relationship? A weakened friendship with God?
Are we supposed to dispose of one another like a broken bowl?
Or can damaged relationships be pieced back together?
***
The Japanese have a fascinating custom called Kintsugi.
When a bowl breaks, they don’t throw it away; they piece it back together using glue flecked with gold.
They say that breakage and repair are all part of the history of that object. The focus is not on how the object broke, but the fact that it was restored.
***
This is where the Gospel is directing our attention this week: mending relationships.
I’m sure everyone can recall a moment when hurtful words were exchanged; voices were raised; doors were slammed; a dish or two was broken. Maybe that happened as recently as this morning!
We all have those “we need to talk” moments, which I preached on last week. So, after, “we need to talk,” what follows?
Forgiveness.
As we heard in our first reading from the Book of Sirach: “Forgive your neighbor’s injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven. Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the LORD?”
***
In fact, Jesus instructs us to forgive one another, “not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Meaning, without limit.
This does not mean that we play the role of doormat, allow hurtful behavior to continue, or that we trust without verifying, putting ourselves in a position to be let down repeatedly.
Forgiveness means flushing out the past, and any anger associated with it, so that the negativity doesn’t eat away at us like an ulcer.
Countless studies have shown that withholding forgiveness affects our own physical and mental health, hurting us more than it harms anyone else.
Anger raises our blood pressure, disrupts our sleep, weakens our immune system, and decreases our overall sense of happiness, perpetuating the pain someone else has caused.
“So, forgive others, just as God has forgiven you,” the Lord says.
***
But let’s be clear: forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation.
Forgiveness means we stop obsessing; we attempt to talk things out; we choose not to be angry; we recognize our own imperfections, making it possible to find mercy for others.
Reconciliation, on the other hand, is a two-way street, whereby both parties have the desire to make their relationship continue in some form, even if the terms have changed.
As the old saying goes, “It takes two to tango.”
***
Is there someone I need to forgive? Is there anger – hurt – inside of me I need to let go of?
***
Imagine venturing into your kitchen, doing a “head count” of all your everyday dishes. You might find an imperfect set.
7 dinner plates, 5 saucers, 9 glasses, 3 soup bowls, because an incomplete set is the mark of a “lived in” kitchen.
Like a dish, occasionally, we, too, chip, crack, and break.
Conflict is part of living in an imperfect world – and being imperfect ourselves. But we are not meant to be thrown out or tossed to the curb like a broken bowl or a wobbly chair.
By the grace of God, we can be pieced back together time and time again.
In that sense, God is the ultimate Kintsugi artist, who fills the chips and cracks within us with the golden glue of his forgiveness.
All of the breakage and repair is part of our story – and a beautiful one at that, which leads to redemption, so long as we forgive others, just as God has forgiven us.
***
***
Image credits: (1) R.M. Drake (2) Watermark Community Church (3) The Walters Art Museum Online Collection
